Repeat any word or phrase often enough, and it can start to lose its meaning. This phenomenon is known as semantic satiation, and unfortunately it can even apply to meaningful advice, like an adage those with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) have likely heard on multiple occasions: “Lean into your values.”
There’s an especially high risk of meaning erosion like this when the phrase is being repeated across social media, where useful and nuanced information—especially about mental health—is frequently flattened. And once the algorithm gets its hands on this advice in particular, it can start to sound less like specialized advice for OCD, and more like general lifestyle encouragement to “be true to yourself,” which is nice and all but can feel kind of irrelevant when you’re facing down OCD symptoms.
But whether it hits every time or not, it is good guidance. When OCD tries to seize on and distort the things you care about, truly understanding your values and using them as the guideposts of your decision-making can make a profound difference. Honing this skill is a significant part of exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, the most evidence-based form of OCD treatment, which helps people handle fear, anxiety, and uncertainty without engaging in compulsions. Here’s what leaning into your values actually looks like in practice, and how you can start working on it now.
What “values” actually are (and what they’re not)
The word “values” can mean something different depending on whether the term is being used by your therapist or by the latest breakout wellness-mental health-peptide influencer. But when the word is said in a clinical setting, it’s important to understand what it means and what it doesn’t.
Values are not end results, meaning “a good marriage” is not a value. Nor are they feelings, meaning “happiness” is not a value. Rather, values are the compass points you follow to work towards the goals that are important to you. They’re directions you choose to move in, not destinations you arrive at. Treating your partner with kindness and respect because you think a good marriage is built on those traits is a value. Choosing to celebrate the good things that happen to you while also allowing yourself to grieve the bad, because you think happiness comes from balance, is a value, too.
Values are also not external, moral rules imposed from outside—they are personal, chosen, and expressed through your actions. You can always move toward a value; you can’t always achieve a goal. As you work to identify and establish your values, there are steps you can take, ideally alongside the guidance of a therapist specializing in OCD who can help make sure you’re benefiting from these practices without turning them into compulsions:
- Make a list of what’s important to you. Figuring out what you care about can help you identify the compass points that will help you move toward emphasizing and strengthening those facets of your life. Maybe you’ll realize that your top priorities are deepening your relationships, living as sustainability as you realistically can, learning about and experiencing different parts of the world, or any number of other things. The important part is that these priorities are yours, not OCD’s.
- Think about what you’re good at. OCD is mean. It can attack you from all angles and make you feel like it will be impossible for you to achieve the things you want and care about. But the truth is that you do have strengths (everyone does). Figuring out what these strengths are can help you identify where you naturally put your energy, and what tools you have in your toolbox. Maybe you excel at listening to others, figuring out creative solutions to everyday problems, or bravely trying new things.
- Consider the little things you appreciate every day. Noticing what makes you happy on a daily basis can help you identify patterns that then reveal your overarching values. For example, if having coffee on the porch with your dog every morning is the best part of your day, you can examine that daily activity and draw out some core values: finding peace and connectedness through an appreciation for the outdoors, spending time with your pets, non-compulsive grounding rituals, and quiet moments alone. Prioritizing activities or relationships that align with these things could be an example of leaning into your values.
Why values matter so much in OCD recovery
Values are vital in treating OCD because OCD almost always attacks the things you care about most. For example, if you deeply value family and love to spend time with your nieces and nephews, your OCD might present as POCD that convinces you that you’re a danger to them. If cooking and sharing food with your community is a cherished part of your life, your OCD might present as contamination OCD that makes you afraid to eat dishes prepared by others.
Because OCD hijacks your values, it can try to convince you that engaging in compulsions is a way of honoring those values. But missing your nephew’s birthday party because POCD fears drive you to compulsively avoid kids does not reflect how much you value your family, and skipping your block’s monthly potluck because contamination OCD is pushing you to cook all your own meals at home does not connect you with your community. Compulsions aren’t upholding your values, they’re wearing your values as a disguise.
That’s why truly identifying not only what your values are, but how they can guide your behavior, is such an important part of managing OCD symptoms. OCD will try to make you grasp after the feeling of being certain that you’re “living up” to your values. ERP can help you recognize that values are guiding lights rather than goal posts that you are constantly at risk of failing to achieve.
How ERP brings values into action
ERP works by helping people gradually face the thoughts, situations, or triggers they’ve been avoiding, without falling back on the behaviors they normally use to feel safer or more certain. It teaches you to tolerate the feelings of discomfort that arise from OCD and make the choices you want to make in response, rather than the choices OCD wants you to make.
For example, if POCD is driving you away from attending family events, an ERP therapist might help you identify that family—and spending time with family—is a value for you, and then help you figure out what it would look like to value your family the way you want to. Then, they’ll recommend “exposures” that counter the narratives OCD spins, like beginning by attending a larger family event for just the first 20 minutes, so that your brain can see that the fear OCD creates about what might happen there is unfounded. Leaning into your values doesn’t always mean feeling good right away. It often means deliberately doing things that are difficult and make you feel uncertain, because those things can ultimately help you get closer to the person you most want to be, and the life you most want to lead.
Understanding your values gives you something to move toward during ERP. Without a values framework, the part of ERP that focuses on increasing your tolerance for distress can feel like enduring discomfort for no clear reason. For example, the steps you take to combat intrusive thoughts about machinery breaking down when you’re relying on it to keep you safe high in the air will be different, depending on why you want to work on this fear. If you want to travel because you value seeing the world and experiencing cultures different from your own, your ERP therapist might work with you on tolerating how this fear shows up on airplanes. If you want to be able to brave the amusement park with your kids so you can spend quality time with them, on the other hand, you might focus on how this fear relates to roller coaster rides. In this situation, your specific values direct the nature of your ERP exercises.
Clarifying to yourself what you’re trying to achieve and why focuses your actions and intentions, so that you have something to move toward, and guidance from within along the way.
