It’s hard when you can’t shake the feeling that you’re just not smart enough, no matter how much you try. Maybe it’s something you said that keeps replaying in your mind, or a small mistake that suddenly feels so much bigger. It’s easy to get caught up in thoughts like, “Why did I do that? Everyone must think I’m completely incapable.” When these kinds of thoughts linger, they can really take a toll. You start doubting yourself, worrying that everyone sees you as someone who’s not capable of much at all.
Feeling stupid can chip away at your confidence over time. You might hesitate to speak up, worried you’ll say the wrong thing, or hold back from new opportunities because you’re convinced you’ll only prove what you think others already believe about you. It’s exhausting and it can feel really isolating—especially when it seems like everyone else has it all figured out.
If these thoughts are weighing on you, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. A lot of people struggle with feelings of inadequacy, but sometimes, there’s more going on beneath the surface. In this article, we’ll explore why you might be feeling stupid and how to manage these thoughts so they don’t control your self-image.
I feel so stupid. Why?
It’s important to remember that just because you feel stupid, it doesn’t mean you are. When these kinds of thoughts occur, it’s hard not to let them chip away at your confidence. You might start comparing yourself to others, wondering why you can’t measure up, and before you know it, you’re feeling out of place and alone. But the truth is, you’re far from the only person who feels this way.
One common reason people think they’re stupid is because something they do doesn’t go as planned. You might be working toward a goal, like giving a big presentation at work that you’ve spent weeks preparing for. But when the moment comes, maybe you stumble over your words, lose your train of thought, or the presentation just doesn’t land the way you hoped. In those moments, it’s easy to spiral into thinking that you’re stupid. However, it’s important to step back and realize that there are many factors that can lead to this outcome, such as anxiety, stress, burnout, or even simple human error. None of these factors have anything to do with being stupid, but in the moment, it’s easy to conflate them with personal failure.
Sometimes, people who are neurodivergent might feel misunderstood or less capable because their environments aren’t always designed to support them. NOCD therapist Alessandra Rizzotti, LCSW, explains that when people grow up with neurodevelopmental conditions such as ADHD, nonverbal learning disabilities, slower processing speeds, or sensory processing issues don’t always learn things in typical ways.
“This doesn’t make them stupid,” explains Rizzotti, “but it can look as though they ‘don’t get things’ the way others do. As a result, invalidating environments (like schools) where teachers don’t accommodate, families that don’t find ways to support the learning of those who are neurodivergent, or schoolmates who don’t understand the neurodivergent individual, may cause that person to feel isolated and alone.” Even though there is no standard blueprint of how someone should understand things, invalidating and unsupportive environments can make people feel like they’re less capable, even though their brains just process things a little differently.
Interactions with other people can lead to the thought that others think you’re stupid. It could be a comment that feels dismissive or critical, or maybe it’s something more subtle, like a certain look they give you. Even when it’s unintentional, these moments can feed into your self-doubt and reinforce the idea that others see you as less capable than you are. It’s important to remember that just because someone says or does something that makes you feel bad about yourself, it doesn’t mean their perception is accurate, nor does it define who you are.
Feeling stupid is more about the stories we tell ourselves in moments of insecurity than actually lacking intelligence. By recognizing what’s really going on—whether it’s anxiety, stress, or external pressures—we can start to challenge those feelings and see ourselves more clearly.
Worried about what people think of you? We can help
Cognitive distortions
Cognitive distortions are thought patterns that are skewed by bias, causing you to see yourself and the world around you in a more negative, judgmental light than usual. They’re key factors that lead to thoughts of being stupid, or thinking that others believe you are stupid.
So, when you’re stuck with the thought, “I’m stupid,” it’s likely that this type of distorted thinking is at play. Some cognitive distortions can alter your perception of how we interpret information and the ways we think that other people see us. A few examples include:
Catastrophization
This type of distortion involves jumping to the worst case scenario for something that actually isn’t that big of a deal. For example:
- You’re thinking, “I’m so clueless, no one will ever take me seriously,” after stumbling over your words in a meeting.
- You’re thinking, “I’m not smart enough to go to college,” just because you didn’t know the answer to one question in a class.
- You’re thinking, “I can’t do anything right,” after being five minutes late to dinner with friends.
Mind reading
The mind reading distortion involves automatically assuming you know exactly what someone else is thinking, when in reality, you don’t know what’s going on in their mind. In this case, you automatically assume that others think you’re “stupid” or are judging you harshly, without stopping to consider any other possible ways they might be seeing you or the situation. For example:
- You’re giving a presentation at work, and you stumble over a few words. You immediately assume that everyone thinks you’re “stupid,” when in reality, most people might be too focused on their own work or didn’t even notice the mistake.
- You accidentally spill your drink at a social gathering. You quickly think that everyone sees you as “stupid,” but chances are, they’ve moved on from the moment and aren’t dwelling on it like you are. They might even just see it as a harmless accident, not a reflection of your intelligence.
Filtered thinking
Filtered thinking happens when you block out all the good things and only zero in on the bad. It’s like focusing on the one negative thing in a situation while completely ignoring everything positive that happened. For example:
- You’re ignoring all the compliments you got on a project and thinking “I’m stupid” because you missed one small detail.
- You’re overlooking all the times you’ve had successful conversations, and focusing on that one awkward moment where you tripped over your words, leading you to think “I’m stupid.”
- You’re forgetting all the times you’ve remembered people’s birthdays and thinking “I’m stupid” just because you accidentally missed one.
When you’re having thoughts about being stupid, it’s easy to get wrapped up in negative self-talk. It’s not always just about how you see yourself—it’s also about how you think others are seeing you. Those nagging thoughts that others are judging you as “stupid” can amplify your insecurities, making it even harder to shake that feeling. So, why does it seem like everyone else is thinking the worst about you? Let’s explore why you’re afraid others think you’re stupid and how those thoughts can be distorted.
Why do I feel like everyone else thinks I’m stupid?
If you’re constantly worried about people thinking you’re stupid, it can start to affect how you act. You might hold back from speaking up in groups, afraid that what you say will sound “dumb.” Maybe you even avoid social situations altogether, even though deep down you’d like to be there. Or, if you do show up, you might lean on having a drink or two to help “loosen up” and quiet those fears so you feel more comfortable joining the conversation. Here are a few different factors that might lead you to worrying that other people think you’re unintelligent:
Social anxiety
Fear of sounding stupid or people thinking you’re dumb is often an aspect of social anxiety. You don’t speak up because you fear you won’t be able to say anything intelligent and as a consequence people might form a bad opinion of you.
“In this case, the anxiety is telling you that you sound stupid,” says Dr. Patrick McGrath, Chief Clinical Officer at NOCD. Social anxiety disorder is a type of mental health disorder where you have a fear of social situations due to an extreme worry of how you’ll be perceived. “We all want to make good impressions on others, but social anxiety pops in as a little voice telling you that you’re saying or doing something wrong, embarrassing yourself, or always saying the wrong things,” explains Dr. McGrath.
Symptoms of social anxiety may include:
- Fear of being judged
- Worry about embarrassing yourself
- Fear of talking to strangers
- Avoiding social situations because of that worry you’ll embarrass yourself
- Being self-critical regarding social interactions
Fear and avoidance of social situations creates significant problems. You might struggle with making eye contact with others, striking up a conversation (even among people you know), going on dates, and it can affect your ability to go to work or school.
Avoiding interacting with others takes its toll. People with social anxiety tend to experience more loneliness compared to people without the disorder, according to research. What’s more, says Dr. McGrath, there’s also a real risk of developing a substance use problem if you rely on drinking or drugs to feel comfortable or confident.
Substance use can create problems of its own—when you’re less in control of your behavior, you may indeed be more likely to say or do something that you feel is “stupid.” Instead of giving yourself grace or forgiveness, you’ll then come down harshly on yourself, which “then reinforces those beliefs,” Dr. McGrath says.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is often another potential factor behind feeling stupid. People with OCD experience uncontrollable, recurring, and distressing thoughts (obsessions), followed by repetitive behaviors (compulsions) that are done in an effort to neutralize those thoughts. Compulsions can be both mental and physical, including repeating, counting, seeking reassurance, avoidance, repeated checking, and rumination, among others.
OCD can manifest here in multiple ways. People with various themes of OCD may experience intrusive thoughts or worries about being—or being perceived as—dumb, stupid, or incapable (or any other negative opinion about your intelligence). Because it feels so uncomfortable to think others might perceive yourself as dumb, you’ll seek relief with a compulsion, often reassurance-seeking or checking.
These compulsions take several forms, and can vary widely from one person to the next. Dr. McGrath gives us some examples of specific compulsions to counter an intrusive thought about your perceived intelligence. You might find yourself doing a crossword puzzle or online memory quiz “to see if you can still do it,” asking a friend or partner if they think you come across as stupid, or seeking out an opportunity to be praised for your intelligence, like dropping a little-known fact into conversation. The goal is to feel better—if only for a moment—about your doubts, safe in the knowledge that others don’t see you as “stupid.”
The problem here is that you don’t always get what you’re looking for. You may not finish the crossword puzzle, ace the quiz, or get the response you want. “And if you don’t succeed at those things, your obsessive worries use this as proof that you are stupid,” says Dr. McGrath. “OCD tells you that one of the reasons why your compulsion isn’t working is that you’re not trying hard enough—so it tells you to try harder,” he says. That can create a dangerous cycle where you’re continually raising the stakes to prove to yourself that you are smart “enough.”
There’s also the risk that you will believe that the mere presence of an intrusive “I’m so stupid” thought is proof that the thought is valid, reasoning that you wouldn’t have those thoughts if people actually thought you were smart. But assumptions like these only increase symptoms of OCD, distress, and reassurance-seeking behaviors, research shows.
On the other hand, if you live with OCD, you may fear that you’ll do something embarrassing while performing compulsions. Or, you may fear that those compulsions will make you look stupid to others.
For an outsider looking in, compulsions can seem strange—and as someone who has OCD, you may be hyper aware of this perception. “There’s a recognition in OCD that compulsions can appear wacky,” says Dr. McGrath. “For that reason, you may fear that compulsions like repeated checking or reassurance-seeking will make others think that you’re confused, incompetent, or ‘stupid.’” This might not manifest the same way around everyone you know. For instance, Dr. McGrath points out, family members tend to be more accepting of their loved ones, whereas friends, especially if they’re relatively new or mere acquaintances, may not accept them as readily.
If you have OCD and are obsessing over someone thinking you’re stupid, there also may be a fear of being evaluated and judged. As a result, this can bring about a lot of masking where you’re able to hide your symptoms in certain environments. “There are many instances where families of children with OCD will say that the school had no idea they have OCD because the student acts completely ‘normal’ in class,” Dr. McGrath shares.
When should you seek help for your worries?
When obsessions, compulsions, and/or anxiety get in the way of your quality of life, it’s important to seek help. Seeing a clinician for a potential diagnosis like social anxiety disorder and/or OCD will get the necessary wheels in motion to help you find the right treatment and support. You don’t need to be plagued by intrusive doubts about your own intelligence, especially if it prevents you from seeking friendship with others, keeps you from pursuing important opportunities, or causes you to avoid social situations.
It’s also important to keep in mind that even if reassurance-seeking makes you feel better in the moment, the relief is only temporary. Getting reassurance that you’re not, in fact, “dumb” only falsely teaches your brain that your fears were a reason for worry in the first place. When you continue to live by OCD’s demands, rather than learning to accept uncertainty about how you’re perceived, your symptoms only get worse over time.
How to manage anxiety and obsessive thoughts about being stupid
Treatment depends on the underlying factors behind obsessive thoughts about being stupid or dumb. If social anxiety disorder is driving these thoughts, you’ll work with your clinician on deliberate mistake-making, says Dr. McGrath. “We do mistakes purposefully, and teach people that they can handle them,” he says. One way this might be put into action is going to McDonalds and asking for a Whopper (which is only available at Burger King).
“That’s a great way to learn that it’s worse in our head than in reality,” he explains. Other effective treatments include acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), as well as medications like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) or anti-anxiety medications.
Exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy is the recommended treatment for both OCD and social anxiety. ERP is clinically-proven to be the most effective treatment for OCD because it challenges your obsessions and compulsions directly, interrupting OCD at its source. Your therapist will work with you to intentionally trigger an obsession (in this case, an intrusive thought like “I’m so dumb”). When your inclination is to immediately engage in a compulsion (e.g., taking an online quiz) to rid yourself of the distress of feeling dumb, “we sit in discomfort with no reassurance,” says Dr. McGrath. “We want people to see they can live their lives without believing what the OCD tells them. So, go out and make predictions and then see if they come true or not. You’ll learn that you can’t know or control everything, but you can handle it,” he explains.
Both OCD and social anxiety disorder conditions are treatable, and it’s quite common to have both. Fortunately, social anxiety and OCD can be addressed together.
Bottom line
Whether your thoughts about being stupid stem from cognitive distortions, social anxiety, OCD, or combination of each, they can make you doubt yourself and your abilities. But just because those thoughts feel real, doesn’t mean they are true. Recognizing the patterns behind your self-doubt is a powerful first step in learning to challenge them.
“When you find yourself calling yourself stupid, practice noticing what labels are unhelpful vs. helpful,” says Rizzoti. “Does it really help you change when you call yourself that? Are there actions you can take to get more knowledge on the issue you feel unaware about? Can you educate yourself?” With the right support and tools, like ERP, you can start to change your relationship to those thoughts, rebuild your confidence, and see yourself in a clearer, kinder light. “Remind yourself that you deserve self kindness instead of someone beating you up mentally,” says Rizzotti, especially if the person beating you up is yourself.