Scary content—whether that’s horror movies or true crime—is loved by many. Horror films regularly break box-office records, and millions of people tune in

Alegra Kastens, M.A., LMFT

How to tell when scary content is fueling OCD vs. helping you face your fears

Working out can be a great stress-reduction tool, a fun challenge, or a rewarding way to feel embodied. If you live with obsessive-compulsive disorder

5 ways OCD can impact you at the gym

Because obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is characterized by intrusive thoughts—which by nature can be deeply frightening—there is a compelling intersection between horror films and OCD.

Horror movies and OCD: Unwanted thoughts and invisible monsters

This is a guest post by Alegra Kastens, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, founder of The Center for OCD, Anxiety, and Eating Disorders. “But isn’t

5 things that feel like evidence for OCD (but actually aren’t)

When you’re first diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), it can come as both a relief and a shock. Finally, you have an answer for the way

How can I tell my friends about my OCD?

Shorter days, colder weather, and cloudy skies can all lead to a drop in a person’s mood or energy level and for people with OCD, they may also lead to an

Why does my OCD get worse in the fall and winter?

NOCD Therapists go through one of the most rigorous evaluation processes in the field of OCD treatment. While fewer than 1% of U.S. therapists are

Patrick McGrath, PhD

How NOCD evaluates world-class therapists

I know first-hand how overwhelming and isolating obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) can be. Like many others, I spent a lot of time trying different

Michaela McCloud

NOCD Therapy is more than just therapy—it’s a community

NOCD provides specialized, evidence-based care designed specifically for people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), closing the treatment gap for

April Kilduff, MA, LCPC

6 reasons why OCD treatment at NOCD works

Pure O, short for purely obsessional OCD, is a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) where people experience intrusive thoughts without physical

Samantha Sullivan, MSW, LICSW

‘Pure O’ OCD Test: Do I have ‘Pure O’ OCD? 

For the longest time, I thought that OCD was this ‘big and bad’ thing that couldn’t be stopped. But now I know how to break the cycles and fight back. I have a lot of support and I am thankful for that. ERP no longer seems as daunting to me. It became easier with time, practice, and commitment.

Putting OCD in the backseat

OCD wants you to doubt yourself and isolate yourself so that you interact with your intrusive thoughts, obsessions, and compulsions to keep feeding them and make them stronger and stronger.  Recognizing that is what your OCD is doing and trying to break the cycle, not once, but repeatedly is the hardest part. This is not something that I recommend that you should try to do alone. I was stuck on the hamster wheel of doubt and rumination and had been pulling farther and farther away from my friends and family, choosing to withdraw into my shell and distance myself from those I cared about the most. I was embarrassed. I didn’t know what was happening. Until I found NOCD. That is when things changed.

OCD recovery is more of an endurance race

 I want other people to understand OCD better, that it isn’t a fun quirk like it’s often shown in TV shows. It’s exhausting and time-consuming and it can break you and lock you into its invisible cage.  Healing requires a lot of patience. You will fall and you’re going to get back up again. You will take one step forward, only to take two steps back. And that’s okay. It’s a part of the whole healing journey. But there is a way out. You can get better. The storm will pass. And even though it will still rain from time to time, you can learn how to keep living your life. 

One step forward and two steps back

Starting around age 9 is when this thing became noticeable in my life. I would do such things as make sure that I never walked around an obstacle without walking back around it in reverse order (e.g. If I walked a lap around my house, I would do a subsequent lap in the reverse direction, as if I were untangling an invisible bungee cord that was attached to me during that first lap.) I would ritualistically perform tasks, whether these tasks were mundane or significant, a specific number of times (e.g. If I inadvertently touched or grazed the dining-room table while walking past it, I would then go back and touch it again a given number more times so as to have a nice even number of touches, before moving on.) 

My battle with OCD

One key tactic I learned in ERP was to live your values. These past few years really put me in an identity crisis and made me forget who I really was as a human being. During the ERP sessions, I am often reminded to move toward my values even when uncertainty strikes. I started to think about what I like to do and how I like to live my life. Bit by bit I learn more about myself and my desires in this world. 

Be kind to yourself

OCD had Gabe feeling like he was living in a dark cave. A cave of despair and uncertainty. Until he found NOCD. For the first time, I felt like what I had been struggling with was understandable and shared by others, and the conversation gave me hope that with a scientific treatment methodology, there was a way out, a way to leave behind the cave and step into my life. The recovery journey wasn’t easy, and many parts of ERP were incredibly frustrating, but looking back, a year after having started this journey with NOCD I couldn’t be more grateful. 

The cave, the boy, and the outside world

 My mom used to say “what's the value of money if you're not going to spend it to live life to the fullest?” This sticks with me, it is so true, especially as a metaphor for living with OCD. Living life to the fullest is about not letting OCD control what I do. It’s about me being in the driver's seat and taking back the control that OCD tries to take. I have decided to live my life to the fullest and move toward my values, not my fears. 

Living life to the fullest

Prior to being diagnosed with OCD, I had remained silent about that part of me. I simply didn’t understand it. I wanted to figure out everything first, on my own. Ironically I wanted to solve the problem before I asked for help. Analyzing is what I do, it's who I am. I didn’t like experiencing anxiety and uncertainty. I have always been very self-aware. I knew early on that the diagnoses didn’t fit everything I was going through. At the same time, this only played into more OCD fears. 

The search for control

I had a truly life-changing experience with NOCD and my therapist, Jessica. I’m happy to say just a few months ago, I was successfully discharged from therapy with her. Jessica was a lifesaver and was a perfect fit for me. When I started, it felt like ERP and the goals I set with her were unattainable, but I can say with certainty that it is doable and worth the hard work.

How my children’s OCD diagnosis led to my own

I was always outgoing, and friendly, not someone you would think struggles with anxiety or perfectionism. I was social and had a lot of friends. I made it through my school years pretty easily. It wasn’t until I started college that I started to struggle. I have since learned that this is a common time in an individual’s life when OCD either presents itself or worsens. It was my first time on my own, away from the familiarity of family and friends. I felt trapped like I couldn’t escape from it. Everywhere I turned there were intrusive thoughts and feelings. I couldn’t explain what I was experiencing to anyone, at least that is how it felt at that time. 

Getting comfortable being uncomfortable

The OCD community needs to come together to talk more openly about taboo themes. These themes are far more common than anyone realizes and people are suffering in silence. Hearing others talk about their experiences can save lives. I wish my 13-year-old self could have learned about it sooner. I wish she could have been a part of the OCD community that I have today.

The day my brain broke

OCD will be part of my life until my last breath.  It’s a hard thing to live with, and it’s not fun.  But, I do have the ability to not let it destroy my life, and have a proven track record to show for it. 

My battle with existential OCD

Since starting my recovery journey with NOCD, my life has changed and is much more positive than I could have ever imagined. OCD moments still happen daily, but they no longer take up days, weeks, or months. They are moments that do not control my life, and my recovery includes understanding that OCD isn’t going anywhere. It’s going to be here, and it is up to me to decide the role I let it play.

Putting both feet in the water

I felt like I had no control. I had no control over my compulsions. I felt completely powerless over the things my illness wanted me to do. It was as if a kidnapper was holding me hostage, and spewing troubling words constantly into my brain. Instead, it was not a kidnapper. It was not a real, evil person trying to manipulate me. It was just a chemical imbalance in my brain that made me see life so much differently. I was so much stronger than my thoughts, so why was I letting them take everything from me?

OCD won’t take away who I am

Now, as an ERP specialist with a BFRB specialty, I find it fun to be experimental with my own OCD.  At first, this treatment feels like torture. It's hard.  You feel like sometimes you're going to fail or that you can't handle it.  But guess what?  We're here to show you that you can handle it and you're going to eventually tolerate the heck out of it. 

Picking your face or pulling your hair?  You may have a BFRB

 I hope my story can give hope to someone else who is in a dark place. I was convinced that my OCD was treatment-resistant and that I was the “special” case that ERP wouldn’t work for. I was wrong, and I’m so glad I took a chance to reclaim my life. I now embrace my identity as someone who will always have OCD. The harder days don’t mean that things can’t improve, and having a mental illness doesn’t mean I can’t live a full and meaningful life. 

Sensorimotor OCD: Conquering shame and embracing uncertainty

While compulsively googling,  I found an article about harm-themed OCD. It finally clicked. I now knew that I was dealing with OCD and had been for a long time. It had gone undiagnosed. It was then that I realized that what I had thought were actual suicidal thoughts previously were actually a form of OCD called suicidal-themed OCD. OCD had been causing confusion and disruption throughout my life. The article I found linked me to NOCD. I set up a call right away. I have now been working with my NOCD specialist for 6 months. This decision was life-altering. I am now living in recovery with OCD. 

Living in the maybes

After college, I went back to school to become a nurse. I remember being so excited about starting my career and looking back at all the hard work I did to get to where I was. It wasn’t until I started working as a nurse that my OCD decided to take the stage. I would excessively check to make sure I didn’t make a medication error and make sure I completed all my documentation. OCD thrived on my fear of losing everything I worked so hard for. 

Survivor, not a victim

There may be other people suffering in silence, just like me 2 years ago, who can't find a way out and who don’t understand what’s wrong with them. I want everyone to know, no matter how tough you are, no matter what the circumstances, please speak up if you are struggling with thoughts like mine. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to get past many obstacles in the process. But you will get there. Don’t let mental health get in the way of your hopes and dreams, I know I certainly won’t.

OCD will not stop me

Try and understand, and educate yourself about what OCD is all about and what it isn’t about. Too many people have the wrong idea about this very debilitating illness. If you are struggling, don’t be ashamed to ask for help. Reach out to those around you. Talk to people, and get the help that you need. You don’t need to suffer alone. I did that for too long. There is hope. I feel so happy now, even after having some bad days still. I know that the word “therapy” may sound scary to many people, it is trying to trust the unknown. It is unpredictable. It is uncertain- everything OCD hates.

Living with OCD