Do you feel constantly aware of where you’re looking? Are you worried you look at people too often, or at inappropriate times? Does staring make you feel anxious, but you’re not sure why or how to stop? Or does a random intrusive urge to stare at something or someone tend to pop into your head out of nowhere?
Maybe you’ve heard a little bit about obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and are wondering if what you’re experiencing could be connected to the condition. Staring OCD is certainly one explanation for why you might feel uncomfortable about your staring-related thoughts and behavior. But there can also be other factors at play.
Keep reading to understand what’s really going on, how to regain control, and tips to break any compulsive staring patterns for good.
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What is staring OCD?
OCD involves persistent, intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors or mental acts (compulsions) that people feel they must perform to try to get relief from their obsessions. Symptoms like excessive hand-washing or checking are probably the ones you’ve heard the most about, but staring can also be a part of OCD.
“One way staring OCD presents is as a fear that you’re losing control of where your eyes look, and that you’re going to look somewhere inappropriate—such as staring at someone’s breasts, for example,” says NOCD therapist Tracie Zinman-Ibrahim, LMFT, CST. This obsession causes intense distress or anxiety, as people worry that if their gaze goes somewhere “inappropriate,” they will be seen as creepy or make others feel uncomfortable.
Sometimes, staring isn’t the obsession in OCD, but the compulsion. Take, for example, someone who has intrusive thoughts related to harm; they obsessively worry that they’ll harm another person. A compulsion they may feel compelled to do is to stare intently—at someone or something. The thinking may go something like this: “If I take my eyes off this person or object, and someone gets hurt, it will be all my fault.”
Repetitive or prolonged staring can be linked to many other OCD subtypes. For example, someone with symmetry OCD—a subtype of the disorder focused on order and exactness—may stare at the items they’ve arranged on their desk (or in any aspect of their environment) to ensure that they haven’t moved, or even try to look at things in a very specific, rigid order so they feel “just right.”
Compulsions bring temporary relief to the person with OCD. However, they are not a long-term solution. In fact, they just perpetuate the disorder by reinforcing your belief that intrusive thoughts are a dangerous threat that you have to take seriously.
Signs and symptoms of staring OCD
As mentioned, obsessions and compulsions are the two key symptoms in OCD. Let’s take a look at some common examples.
Staring-related obsessions in OCD:
- “What if I’m staring at this person because I’m secretly attracted to them?”
- “I’m staring at this stranger on the train platform because I secretly want to push them.”
- “I have to stare at the public bathroom door handle for a few minutes before I use it so I can see how many people touch it—because I’m worried about contamination.”
- “Maybe I’m staring at my partner so much lately because I’m doubting my attraction to them.”
- “Did I stare too long at the kids on the playground? What if I’m a pedophile?”
Staring-related compulsions in OCD:
- Repeatedly staring at stove knobs because you’re worried that the oven isn’t actually turned off
- Forcing yourself to stare at someone in order to test yourself for physical attraction
- Forcing yourself to stare at someone to test yourself for signs of wanting to commit physical violence
- Forcing yourself not to stare at someone because you think it says something bad about you if you do stare
- Counting how many times you catch yourself staring; believing that as long as it’s under a certain number, everything is okay
- Forcing yourself to blink because that breaks your stare and means that something bad won’t happen (a.k.a. “magical thinking”)
- Ruminating on what it means that you stare, in an attempt to “get to the bottom of” the behavior
- Avoiding situations that may cause you to stare
- Distracting yourself from your intrusive thoughts about staring by, for example, scrolling on your phone or reading a book
What triggers staring OCD?
Everyone’s triggers are different. Here are some common examples:
- You feel pressure to make eye contact. This might be at a social gathering, a business meeting, or other event where you might even be a bit intimidated by those in your presence.
- You’re in a situation where people look “different.” This could be something as simple as the locker room at the gym—where people have less clothes on than they typically do.
- You have an OCD subtype that leads you to fixate on people or objects. As mentioned earlier, staring in OCD is sometimes the compulsion, not the obsession. You may have a subtype like contamination OCD that leads you to compulsively stare at others as they wash their hands—to see if they’re doing it “right.”
Sometimes, obsessions and compulsions become so automatic that you don’t recognize what comes before them. So if you don’t know what your triggers are, don’t worry—an OCD therapist can help you cultivate that awareness.
Could there be other reasons I compulsively stare?
The best way to know if you have OCD is to consult with an OCD specialist. That said, there are times when prolonged staring—or going out of your way to avoid looking at someone or something—is unrelated to OCD. Here are other explanations for what could be going on:
Social anxiety disorder
Social anxiety disorder is characterized by an intense fear of being judged, humiliated, or embarrassed by others. Studies have shown that people with social anxiety disorder may have an intense fear of being looked at by others. NOCD therapist April Kilduff, LCPC, LMHC, LPCC, LPC explains that people with social anxiety are actually more likely to make less eye contact with those around them. However, this doesn’t mean that they can’t feel like they’re staring too much. “It’s possible that, in someone who has social anxiety and isn’t used to looking at people, having just a casual glance can feel like staring because they’re not used to it,” explains Kilduff.
Autism
Autistic people often communicate and carry out social interactions differently than others, which can sometimes manifest in things like difficulty making eye contact. In fact, some autistic people prefer to avoid eye contact when possible since it can contribute to sensory overload. However, there are also some instances in which autistic people may find themselves staring at others out of interest. “Something is happening that they’re really interested in and fixate on,” says Kilduff. “They may not be aware that they’re staring—they’re just into whatever is happening. I’d say it’s actually more like observing, but it can come across to others as staring.”
How to get help for compulsive staring or staring OCD
If your thoughts and behaviors related to staring are causing you distress, exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP) is the best form of treatment. ERP has been proven highly effective in patients with OCD and a variety of anxiety disorders, including social anxiety. And while autism isn’t a mental health disorder that needs treatment, autistic people can very successfully manage OCD or social anxiety with ERP.
How does ERP work? By practicing “exposures” (a.k.a. opportunities to face your triggers head on) under the guidance of a specially-trained ERP therapist, you learn new ways of responding to your fears—without relying on compulsions. You do this by developing what are known as response prevention techniques.
Let’s take a specific example: If you avoid the gym or the beach—places where you’re most worried about staring compulsively at others—you might start by putting yourself in these situations very briefly. Maybe you make eye contact with one person, and then go home. Over time, when you realize that nothing bad happened (or that you handled the discomfort better than you thought you could), you can move on to bigger exposures—and ultimately gain the freedom you’re after.
Bottom line
It can be hard dealing with compulsive or excessive staring, especially since we often don’t want to make people around us fearful or uncomfortable. Luckily, there is help out there for these struggles—and it can be very effective.