Raising a child with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) isn’t an easy feat. Between learning about the complex condition, advocating for your kid, and managing everyday parenting tasks, it’s a lot to handle. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to best support your child, you’re not alone.
Keep reading to learn effective strategies for handling pediatric OCD.
View your child separately from their OCD
Know that your child is not defined by their OCD symptoms. OCD can make kids feel ashamed and isolated, which is why it’s so important to help them see the condition as separate from who they are. By doing this, they can feel heard and supported, rather than being blamed for their experiences.
When your kid shares their OCD-related fears with you, it can be helpful to say something along the lines of “Is that you talking or is that the OCD?” You can phrase this question to fit with the specific obsessions your child is experiencing. For example, if they have contamination-related fears, you might say, “It sounds like OCD is telling you not to touch that, or else you’ll get sick.”
You also want to avoid yelling at or punishing them for their symptoms. When you feel frustrated, remember to direct that anger at OCD, not your child. Your child is likely exhausted and worn down by this debilitating condition and doesn’t want to engage in compulsions. Getting upset with them only increases their embarrassment and stress.
Find the right OCD therapist for you
All our therapists are licensed and trained in exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP), the gold standard treatment for OCD.
Get the family involved
Helping your child overcome their OCD-related fears requires the involvement of the whole family. Everyone in the household should have a basic understanding of what OCD is and how providing accommodations (e.g., adjusting routines, avoiding situations that can spike anxiety, etc.) or reassurance can make your child’s symptoms worse.
Fortunately, you don’t have to educate your family on your own—an OCD specialist can come in to teach them how to support your child, too.
Pick your battles
Don’t blame yourself for your child’s struggles with OCD. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can in a challenging situation, and having days where you feel overwhelmed doesn’t make you a bad person.
If you’re a parent with OCD, be mindful of any of your own OCD symptoms you might be exhibiting, as your child may pick up on those. Pay close attention to any patterns in your own behaviors, as they could influence how your child views and reacts to their own OCD symptoms.
Be sure to also practice active listening. There may be times when your child wants to talk about their intrusive thoughts without being judged or interrupted. Only they can know exactly what’s going on inside their heads and tell you what they need.
Learn how to respond to intrusive thoughts
When OCD rears its ugly head, your first instinct as a parent might be to swoop in and try to rescue your child. You might reassure them that everything is okay and that these thoughts don’t mean anything, not realizing that this response can actually strengthen OCD’s grip.
Instead of providing reassurance, here’s how to help your child with intrusive thoughts:
Recognize OCD’s “voice”
When it comes to OCD, it’s important to do the opposite of what OCD says. However, the issue with this is that children often don’t recognize OCD’s “voice” the way adults do. Depending on your child’s age, they may not understand why they need to ignore some fears but take others seriously, as they all feel real.
You can help your child identify OCD’s “voice” by teaching them the difference between realistic concerns and false alarms. Use age-appropriate language and examples that make sense for them.
Younger kids with OCD can really benefit from talking about the condition as a separate entity from themselves. Whether your child wants to call it a “bully,” “Monster,” or “Bob,” naming it helps put some distance between your child and their condition, reminding them that OCD does not define them.
Use non-engagement responses
Instead of trying to “fight off” intrusive thoughts with logic, many parents find it helpful to teach their children non-engagement responses. The goal of these responses is to help your child passively acknowledge whatever OCD might be saying, and then continue with what they were doing, rather than trying to address it.
Here are a few examples of non-engagement responses for kids:
- “Wow, that really could happen.”
- “I bet that will happen.”
- “Maybe it will, maybe not.”
- “That’s an interesting thought.”
- “We will just have to see.”
Use humor
OCD seeks absolute certainty, which is why your child needs to learn the difference between possibility and probability. To help them accept uncertainty, use a silly phrase like, “It is possible that someday, somewhere in the world, a green, spotted unicorn will be seen flying over a field and falling into the ocean, causing a massive flood.”
Feel free to get creative as you find what works best for your family. Older kids may benefit from more relatable examples, but the goal is the same: learning that life comes with uncertainty, and that’s okay.
While humor can help, make sure you’re not dismissive of their fears. Validate their emotions while gently guiding them to become more resilient.
Teach them how to handle discomfort
Even when your child doesn’t respond to an intrusive thought, uncomfortable feelings may still linger—and that’s okay. Discomfort is part of the OCD cycle, and learning to sit with it is an important skill for your child to learn.
You can support your child by:
- Naming the feeling (“This feels scary” or “I feel uncomfortable”).
- Using the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique to bring them back to the present moment.
- Redirecting their attention to something else.
Know what makes your child’s OCD symptoms worse
Be aware of the things that could cause your child’s OCD to flare up or spike. Knowing what can exacerbate your child’s symptoms can help you be proactive in managing their care.
Here are six things that can make your child’s OCD symptoms worse.
- Too much screen time: When it comes to OCD and screen time, excessive time on devices can increase your child’s intrusive thoughts and compulsions, reinforcing the OCD cycle every time they swipe, tap, or click.
- Lack of sleep: If your child isn’t getting enough Zs at night, their OCD symptoms can worsen over time, as sleep disturbances can affect their brain function.
- Isolation: If your child avoids others to protect themselves or others from harm, over time, isolation can develop into more intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors.
- Stress: Significant life changes, such as moving to a new city, becoming a sibling, or the death of a loved one, can spike your child’s OCD symptoms. Recognizing how stress impacts the whole family can help you navigate those moments together, preventing conflict and building resilience.
- Engaging in compulsions: While your child may find temporary relief from doing compulsions, the more they engage in them, the more it reinforces the idea that their intrusive thoughts pose a real threat.
- Co-occurring mental health conditions: Your child’s OCD can flare up from other co-occurring conditions like depression, anxiety, or attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
Teach self-compassion
Your child may internalize feelings of low self-worth because they feel they need to cope with OCD on their own. OCD and self-hatred often go hand-in-hand, as your child may believe that their intrusive thoughts are a reflection of who they really are, rather than just ego-dystonic thoughts that go against their values, morals, and desires.
To improve your child’s OCD and self-esteem, start modeling self-compassion. Narrate your own struggles with kindness by saying things like, “That didn’t go how I wanted, but I’m learning,” rather than, “I’m so stupid for making that mistake.” This teaches your child that imperfection is normal and that it’s okay to be kind to themselves even when things go wrong.
You can also maximize compassionate moments during challenging times to improve your child’s self-compassion for OCD. Instead of rushing to relieve your child’s discomfort or dismiss their fears, it’s about slowing things down, validating their feelings, and reminding them that they’re safe and loved. These small, but intentional acts of compassion can help your child become more resilient and learn to treat themselves with more kindness.
Practicing mindfulness can also improve your child’s symptoms of OCD and address self-loathing by teaching them how to acknowledge their thoughts and feelings without judgment. Rather than getting caught up in self-deprecating thoughts or trying to escape uncomfortable emotions, mindfulness helps kids slow down and respond to their OCD with kindness. Over time, they can become more emotionally aware, reduce self-criticism, and be more gentle with themselves.
Be mindful of triggers
OCD can spread across the household—not in the literal sense, but emotionally and behaviorally. Your child’s fears, intrusive thoughts, or compulsions could trigger OCD symptoms in another family member.
You can be mindful of shared or overlapping triggers in the household by:
- Having regular check-ins if you notice other siblings are mirroring your child’s symptoms.
- Using mindful language to help your child become more aware of their thoughts and behaviors.
- Pausing before providing accommodations.
Creating a safe environment to reset, reflect, and refocus.
You don’t have to face it all alone
If you haven’t already, it’s best to get your child into specialized treatment to address their OCD symptoms. Exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy is an evidence-based treatment that can help your child escape from OCD’s grip and focus on the things that bring them joy. Working with a therapist specializing in pediatric OCD can help identify your child’s triggers and symptoms and develop a customized treatment plan to get them on the path to recovery.
As you make strides to manage your child’s OCD, make sure you’re practicing self-care. Try to make time for things that support your wellbeing, whether that’s exercise, therapy, time with friends, or just a quiet cup of coffee before everyone wakes up. Know that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish.
Taking care of a child with OCD isn’t easy, but there’s help available. In addition to providing virtual ERP therapy, NOCD has support groups for families living with OCD. It’s a place for parents, caregivers, kids, and siblings to share their struggles and breakthroughs throughout their journey. To learn more about how NOCD supports parents of children with OCD, book a free 15-minute call today.
Key takeaways
- Helping your child separate OCD from themselves can make them feel less ashamed and more supported in their experiences.
- Reassurance and accommodations may feel supportive, but can unintentionally reinforce OCD—learning how to respond differently is key.
- Teaching self-compassion and mindfulness can help children manage shame and build resilience in the face of intrusive thoughts.
- OCD can affect the whole family, so it’s important to set boundaries, stay mindful of shared triggers, and seek support together.
