“This time it will work! Surely if I can just counter my intrusive thoughts with exactly the right argument that proves they don’t make sense, they’ll go away forever!” you tell yourself as you climb back into the mental ring once again to continue a knock-down, drag-out battle with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
But that’s exactly what OCD wants you to think, because the urge to argue with your intrusive and obsessive thoughts can, in fact, be one of OCD’s trickiest traps. Often, arguing with these thoughts is itself a compulsion. And instead of silencing them, it’s likely to trap you in the OCD cycle: a self-perpetuating loop of obsessive thoughts, escalating distress, and compulsions that only temporarily relieve your anxiety. Here’s how to recognize if your efforts to debate away your thoughts are compulsive, and how you can learn to tune out the OCD noise without getting caught up in the fight.
Why mental compulsions can be trickier to catch
Common explanations and portrayals of OCD might make you think that all compulsions are visible, physical actions. But a compulsion can be anything that you do to relieve the distress of an intrusive or obsessive thought. If you feel a sense of urgency to counter your thoughts with opposing points, or you have a sense that you can’t move on—either in your mind or in your day—without arguing with your thoughts, it has likely become a compulsion.
Mental compulsions like this can be more difficult to identify than physical compulsions, but they’re still compulsions—and they’re actually quite common. NOCD therapist and clinical trainer April Kilduff, MA, LCPC, LPCC, LMHC, says that while they are more commonly associated with the subtype Pure-O OCD, almost everybody with OCD engages in mental compulsions. Some reasons you may wonder if something you’re experiencing is truly a mental compulsion include:
- The behavior doesn’t match your understanding of OCD. If you’ve seen OCD portrayed in popular culture, or even learned about it from expert sources or other people living with it, you may only be familiar with physical compulsions like checking whether you’ve completed a task or arranging objects “just so.” If your idea of what a compulsion should be is limited, it can be more difficult to recognize that arguing with your thoughts is also a compulsion, because it doesn’t fit the mold.
- Other people don’t notice it. For some people with OCD, a few compulsions may be noticeable. Sometimes loved ones are the first to alert you to the fact that your compulsive rituals and habits might be something other than standard routines (hopefully in a kind way). But often, this is not the case. And when you’re having entire arguments that take place only in your mind, it can be harder for others to notice.
- It feels automatic. Compulsions can also be difficult to recognize when they become so ingrained that you jump into them without conscious awareness of doing so. Mental compulsions can be carried out almost instantly, which can make them feel especially automatic (although they absolutely are not).
The argument against arguing with your thoughts
Arguing with your thoughts can seem like a reasonable thing to do, especially if you consider yourself a logical person and believe that any situation can be solved with the right information. But trying to use logic against OCD won’t work, because OCD isn’t about what makes the most sense or is the most likely to happen—it’s about the scariest, most upsetting what ifs activating the parts of our brain that tell you’re in danger. OCD can overcome even the most logical arguments by reminding you how difficult it is to be absolutely certain about anything.
It can also be especially hard to keep yourself from trying to argue with your thoughts when they’re upsetting, and that category encompasses virtually all thoughts produced by OCD, because they are ego-dystonic, meaning they violate your values.
The compulsion to argue with your thoughts can also manifest alongside other common OCD compulsions like excessive research (to help you find just the right evidence to finally win the debate) and reassurance-seeking (to help you bolster your point and prove the rightness of your argument). And like arguing with your thoughts, these compulsions might feel productive or helpful in the moment, but they’re really only temporarily staving off your anxiety and distress.
The same can be said for “thought-stopping,” which is a cognitive-behavioral technique that involves attempting to stop the occurrence of unwanted thoughts—but for those with OCD, it can also become a compulsion similar to arguing with your thoughts. While this method can be helpful for some people, research shows that those living with OCD who try this technique can actually experience an increase in the very thoughts they’re trying to prevent.
You can stay grounded in your values without arguing with your thoughts
One of the most important parts of taking back control from OCD is honing in on your core values, so that you can practice acting in accordance with them rather than letting OCD bait you into yet another mental fight.
You can learn how to identify your true values, and focus on living in accordance with them—rather than according to your OCD fears—through exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP), the most effective treatment for OCD. A licensed ERP therapist will take time to help you figure out the difference between what you really care about and the ideas and fears that OCD makes seem so urgent. Once you have a clearer sense of what matters to you, you can work with your therapist to create a tailored treatment plan that addresses the OCD symptoms holding you back the most.
An important goal of ERP is enhancing your confidence. You’ll learn to recognize the moment you want to react to an intrusive thought by trying to counter it in your mind, and practice simply letting it rise and then pass—so that your brain can unlearn the idea that these thoughts are a threat to your very identity. Every time you resist, you prove your own strength and resilience, and teach your brain that you don’t need these behaviors to stay safe. This can, in turn, can help your thoughts feel less powerful and help you feel less of a need to battle with every single one in order to maintain your sense of self.
Combat only leads to more combat, including in your brain. Although overcoming a mental compulsion can feel daunting, you can learn to practice self-compassion and accept uncertainty in the face of distressing intrusive thoughts, rather than trying to argue them away.
