“I wake up & it breaks my heart,” writes poet Cameron Awkward-Rich in his poem “Meditations in an Emergency.” This is what it can feel like to open your eyes each day to a world that seems to be in crisis. This is also what it can feel like to live with the subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) known as moral OCD and the often-accompanying sense of hyper-responsibility: At any and all times of the day, your brain may begin to insist that something is horribly wrong, that it’s somehow your fault, and that you must urgently do something to fix it or you are a bad person. And when our social media feeds are full of alarming events and bold assertions about what you should be doing to help, it can be tough to recognize the difference between values-based concern and OCD insisting that you’re at fault for every problem. It can also be difficult to distinguish between what it looks like to take effective action versus acting compulsively to try to relieve feelings of guilt or anxiety triggered by OCD.
If you have moral or scrupulosity OCD, you may feel like the well-being of the entire world hinges on you figuring out how to make the best, most moral choices. It can also feel extremely difficult to determine how to make decisions that reflect your true values, without OCD turning real concern into rumination and empathy into obsession. And, it can be extremely hard to live your life without fearing that every little possibly imperfect action means that you’re a bad person.
What is moral OCD?
Moral OCD is a subtype of OCD characterized by irrational doubt about one’s own morality. The doubt can center on a person’s sense of self: Am I good or bad, virtuous or evil? It can center on one’s behaviors: What if I do something to violate my moral compass…something bad? It can also center on a person’s thoughts: What if I think something immoral?
Feeling a sense of personal responsibility for what’s happening in the world around you is a common experience reported by people with OCD. And if you have moral OCD, concerns about whether you’re a good enough person, and whether you’re making the best, most morally justifiable and “correct” decisions are probably already at the center of your obsessions and compulsions on a day-to-day basis, regardless of what may be going on in the world around you. So when world events spark larger conversations about morality and ethics, and the stakes feel high, it can amplify and exacerbate this OCD subtype.
Expressions of moral OCD (as it relates to world events)
Moral OCD can manifest differently, depending on your specific beliefs. It may look like:
- Compulsively following the news without limits on how, where, or when you consume it, because you fear that you’ll miss something important and that this lack of attention will mean that you’re a bad person.
- Spending equal time learning about and considering every possible opinion shared about an issue or event, even when you know deep down what your values are and there is objective evidence supporting your beliefs, because you’re afraid that to do otherwise would be unequal and therefore immoral.
- Avoiding buying food during an airport layover, even though you’re extremely hungry, because the only place with options that meet your dietary needs is a shop that you know is being boycotted by people who share your values.
- Compulsively researching every product you buy and consume because you’re worried that you will buy something that irrevocably harms someone else, making you evil.
- Compulsively donating money that you don’t have to causes you believe in because you worry you’re a bad person otherwise.
- Endlessly ruminating about whether or not you’re good or bad, virtuous or evil.
It’s impossible to make perfectly moral decisions all of the time, especially when you (like most people) have limited choices and resources—but this realization can also lead to feelings of despair. For people with moral OCD, that despair can be extreme. In reality, however, you are one of the many people whose actions impact the world, and your choices are drops in an ocean—part of the tide, sure, but far from the deciding factor.
Focusing on your values
Like most people, you want to make choices that align with your morals and values. But sometimes OCD hijacks your morals and values, demanding that you pursue them excessively in ways that are unreasonable, unhelpful, and oftentimes harmful. For example, someone with OCD who adores animals might feel compelled to donate all of their money to animal shelters because OCD says they’re evil and contributing to animal deaths if they do not. While they truly value helping animals, donating money they don’t have is not moving toward a value in an aligned way. It’s feeding OCD.
If your intentions are focused on resolving discomfort from intrusive thoughts and obsessions, that can be a sign that the actions you’re taking are compulsions that are ultimately harming you and undermining your wellbeing, rather than creating the positive impact you aim for.
You can learn to recognize the difference between OCD doubt and excessive rituals, rather than a value you pursue in a meaningful way. To do so, you can try asking yourself questions like:
- What kind of impact does this action truly have on my immediate surroundings? For example, scrolling through a never-ending feed of breaking news updates can feel like it reflects a genuine desire to be informed. You might worry that looking away, even for ten minutes, means you’re a negligent, privileged, evil person. In reality, however, if you’re consuming the news constantly in an attempt to prevent harm through the sheer force of your knowledge, it may distract you from showing up for people in your immediate community—and send you into a spiral of stress and fear that can seriously impact your wellbeing.
- Is this doing me harm? For example, refusing to eat because you don’t want to give money even once to a specific corporation, at a time when it’s your only option, is doing more harm to you than to that company.
- Do I actually want to do this, or does my OCD want me to do this so that I don’t feel like a bad person? For example, just because your family or community adheres to a certain set of beliefs doesn’t mean that you must follow suit. While OCD may urge you to look outward when measuring your morality, your true values are based on your own understanding of the world and what matters to you.
- Is there room for flexibility here? Oftentimes, OCD lives in an all-or-nothing world. For people with moral OCD, this might look like believing you must show up to every protest or you’re a bad person, donate all of your money or you’re evil, or boycott every single corporation at all times. In reality, we live in grey areas. It’s okay to donate some of your money and save what you don’t have. It’s okay to attend one or two protests instead of 15 a week. It’s okay to boycott a few corporations to the best of your ability.
Ultimately, it’s impossible to live a perfectly ethical life. The world we live in does not offer an unimpeachably moral option at every turn. All any of us can do is identify our values, prioritize them where possible, and remember that we exist within communities full of people striving to do the same. If you have moral OCD, an OCD specialist can help you do this by teaching you tools to hone in on your true values. In exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, the most effective OCD treatment, you’ll set goals with your therapist for how you want to show up in the world, based on what makes sense for you. You’ll also learn ways to distinguish between the baseline discomfort of living in an imperfect world, and the OCD symptoms that seize on and exacerbate that discomfort.
This looks different for everyone, but it might involve taking structured time away from the influx of horrifying news to re-center, spending more time with people you know share your beliefs, or practicing response prevention when you have the urge to immediately react to feelings of discomfort by performing compulsions. Connecting with community can help remind you that others share your concerns and are also endeavoring to address them, and can help you find and offer support, sustainably. Maybe that means making scheduled calls to your loved ones each week, attending rallies or events, or choosing to volunteer or spend your money with organizations that align with your values. Sometimes, you’ll need to find flexibility within your values in order to preserve your own well-being and the well-being of your loved ones. By learning to practice flexibility and connect with your deeply held values rather than taking on outsized responsibility, you can manage OCD and follow your moral compass.
