During the holidays, increased free time is often welcome for people who are looking forward to a break from school, work, commuting, and their typical day-to-day tasks. For people with OCD, however, these breaks can be a source of dread.
Below are five reasons this may be true, and tips for if you’re struggling:
1. More free time means fewer distractions from intrusive thoughts
Breaks from school, work, or other responsibilities often mean more space to sit with and notice unwanted thoughts, uncomfortable feelings, vivid images, and distressing “urges”— without everyday life distractions. Sitting in silence, something that happens more frequently during long weekends and holiday breaks, can be triggering for people with OCD.
This rang true for me when I was struggling with OCD. I craved a break from work and school but worried about what the break would entail: being alone with my brain. Then, I worried that the loud thoughts would ruin my holidays and break, which created a double layer of dread.
Over time, I learned to adopt an attitude of acceptance, which became a turning point in my own recovery. Instead of fighting with and trying to suppress unwanted thoughts and images, which only made me experience them more, I practiced co-existence: I allowed these thoughts to exist without resisting or engaging with them, while turning my attention back to what is more helpful in the present moment, even during the holidays.
As much as you don’t want unwanted thoughts to arise during a holiday break, they might, because OCD doesn’t take vacations. This doesn’t have to mean that the holiday break is ruined. We can experience joy while co-existing with unwanted thoughts, images, and feelings. These things are not mutually exclusive.
Important caveat: We practice co-existence with intrusive thoughts and images that pop in automatically, and are out of our control. We are not practicing acceptance of mental compulsions, as those are a choice—even when they feel involuntary.
2. Changes in routine can make it easier to succumb to compulsions
When there is less going on, like a project at work or a paper at school, there can be less to redirect your attention away from the desire to perform compulsions. It can feel like there is endless time to get stuck in OCD, performing rituals and attending to obsessions.
However, while your day-to-day routine over the break might look different, there are still plenty of opportunities to engage in everyday life as opposed to engaging with OCD: cooking a meal, taking a walk, reading a book, watching a TV show.
And while it can help to have something to turn your attention to to help you stay rooted in what IS happening (as opposed to the what IF of obsessions), you also don’t need a distraction to break the OCD cycle. You can have nothing else to turn your attention to and still decide to resist a compulsive ritual. You can lie in bed and let intrusive thoughts arise without doing anything about them.
3. You feel guilty when you try to enjoy time off
You may feel undeserving of good things because of OCD and therefore, stop yourself from pursuing activities that would bring you joy during the holidays. Guilt and shame are common emotions for people with OCD.
Guilt says, “I did something bad.” People with OCD commonly think that experiencing an unwanted intrusive thought is doing something bad or wrong. Maybe you feel guilty for performing a compulsive ritual. Shame says, “I am bad.” This emotion is especially common for people with taboo obsessions who worry that they must be terrible monsters for experiencing unwanted violent, sexual, or blasphemous thoughts and images.
You might be feeling guilty or shameful, but feelings are not facts. Those feelings are irrational. You haven’t done something wrong by having a thought that you didn’t choose to have. Even if you purposely trigger thoughts that feel scary or disgusting, in order to practice exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, you still haven’t done anything bad! THEY ARE STILL MERELY THOUGHTS! Thoughts are not good or bad. They are just words in the mind.
To be clear: You are not bad for living with OCD, a neurobiological condition that you did not choose to have.
If you do feel undeserving of joy this holiday break, it can be helpful to act as if you feel deserving. You don’t have to feel deserving to treat yourself as if you are. Sometimes a behavioral change, like spending time with a friend or baking cookies, shifts how we are feeling.
4. Watching other people have seemingly carefree holidays brings up feelings of grief
Grief is a healthy response to loss. While we commonly associate grief with the loss of loved ones, we can grieve the loss of anything. People with OCD commonly grieve the loss of time, relationships, developmental milestones, special occasions (like the holiday you wish you could have without OCD), and more.
That grief is valid and can be incredibly painful. I, too, wish you weren’t living with OCD. I wish it weren’t interfering with your break and special occasions.
Sometimes noticing and allowing that feeling to exist, without shoving it down, can lead to less suffering. It’s not about getting rid of the grief but learning to live with it if it shows up.
As tempting as it can be, resist the urge to compare yourself to other people. The truth is that we never truly know what someone is going through unless they tell us. Comparing other people’s outsides, based on a perceived story we have created, to our insides leads to more suffering.
5. OCD symptoms can get in the way of doing what you want to do
The holidays offer a plethora of OCD triggers: using knives for people with Harm OCD, cooking and eating food for people with contamination OCD, being around children for people with POCD, flying for people struggling with magical thinking, watching seemingly perfect couples for people with ROCD, and more. The list goes on.
Engaging in valued activities can be difficult when OCD is loud and present. Triggers over the holidays can feel extra disheartening but, like any other time, they also offer up opportunities to beat OCD.
When we face triggers head-on and practice response prevention, we are creating new neural pathways in the brain. We are quite literally rewiring the brain. This can be helpful motivation, as can returning to your values. Instead of letting OCD make decisions for you, can you, to the best of your ability, let your values guide you?
You’re not alone, and help is available this season
If you’re struggling with this, you are not alone. NOCD is open throughout the holiday season, with therapists and a team available to help as many people as possible who are in need of care. At NOCD, you’ll find specialty-trained, non-judgmental OCD specialists who deeply understand all themes of OCD—including those that are taboo, aggressive, sexual, or violent in nature—and can help you take the power away from your intrusive thoughts with exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, the most effective treatment for OCD. You can confidentially DM your therapist through the NOCD app, and they’ll respond at least once per day within 24 hours—even during this busy season.
Schedule a free call to learn more about NOCD’s accessible, evidence-based approach to treatment, and how it can help you start taking intrusive thoughts out of the driver’s seat.
