When the Indianapolis Colts placed right tackle Braden Smith on the non-football illness list last season, fans were left wondering what had happened. Now, Smith is sharing the truth: he was suffering from severe scrupulosity OCD, an OCD theme focusing on religious or moral beliefs.
In a candid interview with the Indianapolis Star, Smith described how his Christian faith became hijacked by OCD. “There’s the actual, real, true, living God,” he said. “And then there’s my OCD god, and the OCD god is this condemning [deity].” He explained how every thought, every move, felt like it could damn him, leaving him mentally tormented, withdrawn from loved ones, and unable to find peace.
I was physically present, but I was nowhere to be found. I did not care about playing football, I didn’t care about hanging out with my family, with my wife, my newborn son…I wasn’t there at all.
Smith’s experience is one many people with scrupulosity OCD will recognize: terrifying, intrusive thoughts about morality, sin, or religion that feel impossible to escape. These thoughts often go undetected by others—and are deeply misunderstood. And especially with religious holidays like Easter and Passover approaching, people who struggle with these symptoms might find their OCD ramping up or becoming harder to ignore.
There’s joy going around all around you but you can’t even for a second get out of your own way, or get out of your head. You’re literally in that place where you cannot escape…it’s my own personal hell.
But after seeking help, Smith began to reclaim his life. His symptoms have gone from severe to mild. He’s back on the field. And most importantly, he’s giving others hope by sharing his experiences.
His decision to speak out is more than brave—it’s life-saving. It reminds us that even when OCD feels overpowering, recovery is possible.
At NOCD, we specialize in treating scrupulosity and other subtypes of OCD with exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, the most effective, evidence-based treatment. If Smith’s story resonates with you or someone you love, know this: there is hope, and you are not alone.